7:20. She slept. She actually slept. Have we got over the 1000 illnesses that we seem to have caught lately? The only thing we haven’t seemed to be able catch lately, is a break!!
Do I risk going in the nursery for her to scream for Dad? Sod it, I will. I’m making a conscious effort to not shout, I never want to feel like that again, I will, lord knows I will, but I want to focus on all the positives. I want to be happy.
7:30. Toast and Gok Gok on the go, laugh to myself that she said gok gok in her sleep the other night and think it must be imprinted in her brain. Slightly worry that next month the doctors will stop her prescription for allergy milk and make a mental note to Google if I can buy the £20 milk over the counter. I forget to Google.
8am. Dads up and I remember to make him a brew, baby is behaving and I feel good, like I almost have my shit together but not 100%. I’ll take 60/40 right now.
Remember to feed and water the dogs! Definitely made a conscious effort this week to fill their bowls and only take water up when Chase decides he wants to drown the kitchen again. The town swimming baths will live once more. They’ll just be in my bloody kitchen. £7 an hour if anyone is interested. Bring your own towels and a mop!
Dads leaving for work, flipping heck, quick think of something to distract the baby and suppress the panic that rises for the impending screamfest that’s going to go on. Logically think that every issue she has right now is down to communication issues, she’s almost 2 after all, she knows what she wants but can’t verbalise. Be fair, must be hard being 2. Ha – yeah right.
She obviously screams, throws herself on the floor. Hide. Cover my face. Turn away. This works lately, after about 20 minutes…
….then she just shuts up and brings me a new roll of bin bags muttering ‘open’, not listening to your protests that they’re bin bags and you can’t open. “Open” pulling at the middle, start doing my best convincing voice, “darling it’s just bin bags in the middle too”. She clearly doesn’t believe me and thinks I’m not playing pass-the-parcel right, “open”. Fuck it, open the sodding binbags, if that’s what she wants. I sit and unwind a full pack of binbags so I can bloody well prove I was not lying, that in fact the middle of the bin bags contains, surprise surprise, bin-flipping-bags. “Oh”. She walks off. Is that a win or not? I currently have 20 bags surrounding me but she didn’t scream. I’m calling that a win.
She doesn’t want to nap. She does. No actually she doesn’t because she loves to get herself so worked up that I wish I could swap roles and tell her I’ll nap instead. I pretend to nap. She laughs and slaps me to wake up. Nap time over.
Dads home – it’s Saturday so a short day. Almost 1pm, what shall we do? We make an executive decision to take her to the zoo, she loves roaring, actually roaring, not screaming. She’ll love the lions. We get ready, pack her snacks and BAM. Nap time. God sake. Typical.
Go to the zoo anyway, she’ll wake up and most probably cry but I need to get out. She wakes, she doesn’t cry, she shouts “lets gooo” as soon as we park. If we park anywhere it’s always “let’s gooo” with the gusto of a brass band. Is 3pm, there’s literally an hour of zoo time left, thank god for zoo passes, it feels like a free day out. Make mental note to be happy, I’m freezing. Happy face. Oh my god it’s cold.
We walk around, she doesn’t look at any animals but then “woooooow”, finally she sees something she likes, watches it until it disappears, she’s literally amazed, actually loves it, it was definitely worth the zoo pass to see…….. ‘The Wild Monorail’ as I’ve now christened it. She loves the fucking monorail above our heads – not the cute penguins in front of our faces. Jesus!!
She falls twice, I panic, I can’t deal with more screaming. She doesn’t scream. She says “that’s okay” and dusts herself off. What’s that I feel? Pride? I love her right now. I love her so much. She doesn’t hate me, she’s smiled. Goodness, I love her.
I’ve made a promise to myself this week to find the positives in everything, because there is one. Right? Well maybe not everything but there is definitely a positive in most things. Like today. Today I just needed to get out of the house but today my little person seen a monorail and loved it. It made me happy.
We head home via the supermarket to get some Violife cheese for her. Why is it not everywhere sells the allergy foods we need, it normally means visiting 3 places to get a full shop. We never get a full shop. We give up after the first place and say we’ll get the rest later, we never do.
In the car she constantly asks for ‘toast’ because she’s seen the bread pack. I give her what I can only describe as raw toast and on our way we go. I wonder if it’s a staple diet and/or food group “the toast and raw toast food group”. Can you eat too much bread? Maybe she was a duck in a former life.
She’s been so good. It really makes the difference to my mind set. I love her unconditionally today. I make a mental note to list other things that make me happy. I have three – and these three things are what I will end with.
* Someone special to me ordered me a new dryer after my last dryer post meltdown. It re-affirmed my belief in Karma and that maybe I wasn’t such an arse in a past life.
* Emma snapchatted me to say she loved my blog.
* An old lady sent feedback to my workplace about me and personally thanked me for my customer service the previous day when she popped in again.
See it’s the little things in life that can turn your stress around. Whether it’s the baby being good, someone you rarely talk to going out of their way to say “that’s me too” when you describe your stress or a complete stranger saying they think you’re wonderful. Or better still, proving to the baby that the centre of the binbags were just that – binbags.
From now on I’m making a note of all good things that happen/make me smile in the week. I can’t wait for the next week.